first time lesbian experiments between college roommates

[Carol Bell]

It was after I graduated college. I was 22 at the time and she was a couple years younger. I met her during my senior year and we were just friends at the time. Before that, I thought I was straight but now I’m 100% sure I am bisexual.

So lets call the girl P. The summer after I graduated, P and I started hanging out more (as friends). We would always spend the night at each other’s places because we both enjoyed each other’s company, and I always noticed she would always sleep really close to me and sometimes leaning her head on my shoulder as we slept but I didn’t really think much of it because that’s just how she is with most of her friends too. One night, about a month later, P suddenly turns to me as we were laying in bed and slowly gave me a small peck on the lips. I just kinda froze at that point and didn’t know what to do because I was pretty sure she had fallen asleep already and just kissed me in her sleep without realizing it. So in the morning, everything was the same as it was before and I was assuming she didn’t remember kissing me so I decided just not to say anything and leave it as it is. Things were pretty normal at this point. A few days later I went to a friend’s birthday party and had plans to hang out with P afterwards. So when I got to P’s place, I was actually a little drunk and I just remember bits and pieces leading up to this point but somehow we ended up kissing again and then going swimming in the pool. That night in bed, I remember there was some kissing and cuddling but nothing further than that. For the next week or so, we would kiss and cuddle at night but during the day we didn’t talk about it at all and just continued on as if nothing had changed. I didn’t know where this was going and was afraid of it getting too far and someone getting hurt if we didn’t talk about it. So one day we were in the middle of making out, when I finally told her that we should stop. After a few minutes of talking about it, she reluctantly agreed with me, and we agreed that we would tell no one about this and it would be our secret. So the next night, she stayed at my place and as we were about to sleep, I could feel the sexual tension between us and couldn’t stop myself from kissing her. And suddenly things were escalating from there. I had been with 2 guys before this but she was a virgin and previously straight as I was. I didn’t want to do anything to her that she didn’t want me to and anything that would go too far so I waited for her to make the first move past kissing. That night we mostly just rubbed each other around the crotch area but the next night, as she was rubbing me, she suddenly moved my underwear to the side and slipped a finger inside. And that just drove me so crazy. I started moaning and she began fingering me even more. We still had all our clothes on but for reason, I was just so turned on and couldn’t keep my hands off her. I started playing with her pussy as well and fingering her and oh my god..the sounds coming from her were so hot. Despire discussing that we should stop this, we just couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Fast forward a month later and we decided to set a date of when we should stop messing around and continue just being friends. I wanted to stop because I was afraid that if we didn’t then one of us would fall for each other and it would be even harder to break it off. And I was right..when that date came she texted me that she was in love with me and didn’t want to stop and wanted to see where we would go. I realized that I loved her to and that I wasn’t ready to stop yet. She admitted that she started having a crush on me after we started hanging out more in the summer. It’s weird because, both of us thought we were straight before this and we both don’t find other girls attractive in that way except for each other.

For the next several months, we were in what you would call the “honeymoon phase.” No one else knew about our relationship and it was such a thrill to both of us. Every moment we were alone, we would sneak each other kisses or have sex behind closed doors. She made me feel amazing and we loved each other so much. To the rest of the world, we were just best friends who hung out all the time but secretly we were lovers. I knew we couldn’t keep hiding this forever though because one day we would have to tell other people about the relationship or we could choose to keep it a secret and go back to being friends. In my heart, even though I love her more than I have loved anyone else, I don’t think I could ever come out to my parents and the rest of the world as bisexual and telling everyone that I’ve had a girlfriend for over a year now. I know I’m selfish for continuing to be with someone when I know that we won’t end up together. I’m just scared. I’m scared of telling the rest of the world who I really am and I know P feels the same way. But just for a moment, when we’re in each other’s arms at night, I can pretend that things are perfect and that our relationship wasn’t inevitably doomed from the start.

It’s been about a year and a half now and I’ll be starting grad school in the fall. We’re still together but we talked about it and after a lot of tears, we decided that we’re going to end our relationship before I start school. We’ve been through a lot together and have a lot of memories together and I’ll always love her no matter what. She’s my best friend and no matter what happens from here on out, I hope that nothing will ever change that. Everytime I think about our relationship ending after everything we’ve been through together, I get filled with sadness..I don’t know what will happen in the future but for now I just want to live in this moment just a little bit longer. I honesly believe that if something is meant to be, then it will happen. Who knows..maybe somewhere down the line, we’ll both find the courage to truly be ourselves to the rest of the world and if its not too late, we’ll find our way back to each other again.

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